what you want

"you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might just get what you need...".

Sometimes you want something, and then, for some unknown reason, you end up getting something you don't actually want... then you get two choices: you either keep what you don't want and settle down with it, or you don't, and risk not getting what you want nor what you got in the first place... I usually go for the second option... keeping what comes your way is an easy task, but fighting for what you want, and eventually for what you end up needing, is what brings you happiness in the end. It's what makes you want to smile in the morning when you wake up, and at night when you go to sleep... and yes, sometimes it is possible that what you want is, in fact, exactly what you need...

tired

I'm tired... but it's the good kind of tired. The tiredness you feel after you've done something that pleases you. In Portugal we have a saying that says "quem corre por gosto não cansa", which means that you're not supposed to get tired when you're doing something you like. I think of it in a different way... I do believe you can get tired, even if you love what you do. The thing is that the feeling of accomplishment and self-satisfaction at the end is different then when you're not pleased with what you do!
In the end, the only thing that matters is if you enjoyed yourself or not, if you gave it all your best, and if you're pleased with the results... me, I am tired, but I enjoyed myself a lot, put in my best effort and got the best out of it, so I can only assume that I loved doing what made me feel this tired...

boys and girls

Ever since I was a kid I've always get along great with boys. I guess it is my brother's fault. He is older, and when he'd bring his friends home I'd always want to hang out with them... it used to get on his nerves, but since I was the cute little girl, they'd let me stay play with them. Also most of my neighbors while I grew up were boys. This all led to me being what in portuguese we call a "Maria-rapaz" which means the girl that does all the stuff as if she were a boy.
I guess with time I've become more of a girl, but I've kept getting along great with guys... I don't know if this fact had anything to do with the career path I followed, but I'm happy that what I enjoy doing is more "guyish" than "girlish", because I'd never be able to deal with large groups of girls working together...
I have come to realize that whenever I had to work with more girls than boys I would end up being upset. It is very hard for me to get mad at someone, but somehow something always went wrong, or someone would always find a way to make unuseful remarks, and that is one of the things that ticks me...
Anyway, I had to decide something with a couple of girls over the last few days, and well, we had a "girls not agreeing" moment and it got on my nerves... even more when they finally asked a guys opinion and it wound up being what I had said in the first place...

interactions

I remember when I used to live with my sister, and when we used to drive together to our parents place to spend the weekend. She used to say she didn't need a radio on her car because I never seemed to stop talking!
People that don't know me that well often have a different opinion about me. I'm the quiet girl, that doesn't talk much, that is kind of shy and that tries to fit in but doesn't seem to be able to. For some reason, I'm also the girl that everyone recognizes.
Then, along with the one's that know who I am, but with whom conversation doesn't seem to flow, there are few people that really get to know me, and that get to see the talkative, not so shy me. I've come to realize that not that many people end up knowing that part of me, and I can't really tell why... but then again, there are no rules when it comes to people's interactions. It's just a matter of how outgoing you are or not... or out outgoing others are towards you.

plane tickets

I have to get a plane ticket to go home sometime in April. The weird thing is that I can't seem to be able to figure out when I want to go... I always find something to do around here that prevents me from picking one date or another.
I do want to go there, but I've grown used to my life in Toulouse. I've got friends here, I've got things to do... of course back home I've got my family and I do miss them alot, but it still feels weird to leave this place even if it's just for a week or so...
I don't know if it is normal, but I do think that at least it means that I enjoy being here, and that is a good thing...

focus

I once had a teacher that told us it takes about 3 months to get fully adapted to a working space. I don't know if she was right or not, but what I do know is that more than 3 months have gone by since I've been working on the same place, but today I can't seem to be able to focus on my work.
True, some thing's can be done without much focusing, but it turns out that category theory demonstrations isn't one of them.
Maybe I should move my thoughts into something else... maybe I'll be able to focus on something else...

Focus Guida, focus!

too nice...

I am way too nice. I blame my parents for bringing me up too well!
Sometimes I wish I could just get mad, shout at people and not even care if I hurt their feelings or not. Turns out I can't do such things. I always seem to try and find a reason for what people do. Of course the inability to express my anger often leads to me getting flustered, or to me getting annoyed, or to me feeling weird... even more when you know that most of the time others don't even care about how you feel.
Anyway, sometimes it really does suck to be a good person!